I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
