Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
