bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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