so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize