my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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