I CAN MOONWALK!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
