It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
