just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
