It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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