My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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