I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
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