And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize