jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
