Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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