It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
