I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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