i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
