I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
