I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
