when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
