May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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