So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
