I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
