how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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