I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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