The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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