They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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