I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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