Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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