We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
