I hate your face
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
