i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i now understand why vodka
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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