You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
