they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
