We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
