Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
