like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
what is it with giant penises always finding me
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
