I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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