If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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