Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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