so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
