Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
