So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We're too hungover to prance.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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