I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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