I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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