Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
