I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
