In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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