Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
