when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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