Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
