people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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