is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Holy sore nipples Batman
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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