Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
