"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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