Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
