I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
