Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Randomize
