I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
