Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
