i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
