Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
