I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
