I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
