LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
