it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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