I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
