took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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