lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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