My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
