Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
