glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
