im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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