I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
