Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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