uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Randomize
