You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
