He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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