what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
