He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
