There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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