It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
