How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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