hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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