I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
