I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
