WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
