that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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