no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
