I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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