And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
