You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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