Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
