Me too!
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
