Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
