Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Randomize
