and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
