remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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