I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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