They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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