plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
